The Other Side of Unintentional Tears

I’ve been living with ADHD and Generalized Anxiety pretty much my entire life and was diagnosed with both over 10 years ago, so it would be sensible to think I would no longer be surprised when I have a sudden mood shift and I wouldn’t wonder what could have specifically caused it. I mean, I’ve only been wearing glasses since I was 30, but I don’t wonder why it’s harder for me to see with them off. And yet, every time I suddenly go into flight, fight, or freeze mode, every time I suddenly feel onerously overwhelmed and frustrated, it’s like it’s the first time it’s ever happened and I don’t know why it’s happening.

Every. Single. Time.

Somewhere, on the other side of a mirror or through a particular dense shadow in the attic of an old house, there’s a Josh who has learned to expect these things. Maybe he’s prepared for them, maybe he isn’t, but he’s not surprised when they hit him out of the blue. He’s not a better person than I am, but I envy him nonetheless.