Category : anxiety

The Other Side of Unintentional Tears

I’ve been living with ADHD and Generalized Anxiety pretty much my entire life and was diagnosed with both over 10 years ago, so it would be sensible to think I would no longer be surprised when I have a sudden mood shift and I wouldn’t wonder what could have specifically caused it. I mean, I’ve only been wearing glasses since I was 30, but I don’t wonder why it’s harder for me to see with them off. And yet, every time I suddenly go into flight, fight, or freeze mode, every time I suddenly feel onerously overwhelmed and frustrated, it’s like it’s the first time it’s ever happened and I don’t know why it’s happening.

Every. Single. Time.

Somewhere, on the other side of a mirror or through a particular dense shadow in the attic of an old house, there’s a Josh who has learned to expect these things. Maybe he’s prepared for them, maybe he isn’t, but he’s not surprised when they hit him out of the blue. He’s not a better person than I am, but I envy him nonetheless.

7-26-2025 | 2

Time and Time Again

Today, I saw someone post online about how they understand that executive dysfunction can get in the way of someone being on time for something, but since we all carry clocks in our pockets, we should all be able to use them to not be late. It was particularly disheartening because this came from someone I respect and usually agree with, someone who is generally empathetic to the struggles of other people. And this isn’t the first time I’ve seen someone I like complain that being late is a sign of disrespect and lack of caring.

Fam, that’s not what it is and I am so very tired of arguing about this. (more…)

5-15-2025 |

Nothing Lasts Forever

I broke my good day streak yesterday. I had a week of days where I woke up every morning feeling well rested and in a good mood, making it through the day with minimal anxiety, depression, and emotional dysregulation. It’s been a while since I had that many days in a row feeling consistently unburdened by neurodivergence and I was loving it. And then yesterday afternoon, I suddenly experienced an increase in anxiety and roller coastering emotions. I had an awful time sleeping last night and I’ve been struggling all day today with a noisy, difficult brain.

I have generalized anxiety and depression, clustered with the emotional dysregulation and stimulus sensitivity of ADHD. It’s literally impossible for me to know when or how I’ll suddenly be burdened with tension, unease, melancholy, hairtrigger fight-or-flight instincts, sweats, headaches, an upset stomach, etc etc etc. Even with medication, therapy, daily meditation, support from friends, I still have to deal with my brain just going unpleasantly wonky sometimes. So I decided recently that when I’m not feeling so off, when I’m feeling unburdened and light, I’m going to enjoy it for all its worth and do my best to spread that joy around.

Yesterday and today are a reminder that the good brain days don’t last, eventually I’m going to have the mental equivalent of throwing my back out. But the week before that was a reminder that the bad brain days don’t last either, and eventually I’ll feel much better. I feel sure that tomorrow will be, if not a great day, at least a better one than today. And I am so going to enjoy that.

4-02-2025 | 2

Too Sweet by Far (Squishy Business 2)

November is Diabetes Awareness Month, so it was very convenient for me to be diagnosed with type-2 diabetes at the end of October. (It was also for the best that I got my diagnosis before Hallowe’en instead of after. Trying to ask my doctor questions about the diagnosis with my mouth stuffed full of half-priced Reese’s peanut butter cups would have been a tad awkward.) (more…)

11-08-2023 | 2

Undeclared

I woke up tired and cranky this morning. It wasn’t until I was halfway through my first cup of coffee that I started to feel awake and upbeat. This is a pretty typical morning for me. The thing is, I didn’t acquire a taste for coffee until after college, and this morning I found myself wondering how I made it through college without drinking coffee.

And then I thought, “I’m amazed I made it through college at all. How did I do that?” (more…)

5-02-2019 |

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