Brain Keeps Falling Down, Down, Down

Today is a bad ADHD day.

When I say it’s a bad ADHD day, I don’t mean I’ve been fidgeting with a pen while I tell fifteen overlapping stories in five minutes, constantly getting distracted by something in my peripheral vision. Truthfully, I like those days. I may not have much focus, but I have energy and interest to spare. Today is one of those days when my dopamine needle is fluttering over E and my executive and emotional regulation are about as regulated as big business under a Republican administration. Everything bores me, I can’t decide on anything, and when I try the usual ways I entertain myself, I just get frustrated and angry that I’m not having fun. Being bored when you have ADHD is like trying to run a marathon after fasting for a day. Or like trying to fly a jet with only one working engine? I’m not exactly sure how jets work and I have no interest in looking it up right now.

There are loads of tricks and coping mechanisms that people have come up with to help us live with our ADHD, but sometimes you just have to ride things out, be patient with yourself, and wait for better times.

3-16-2026 |

My Waffle

Just as I said in previous posts that the term “best friend” understated my relationships with two important people in my life and my learning of the term “queerplatonic relationship” opened up my understanding of those relationships, I’ve long thought that the term “girlfriend” understates the relationship between my romantic partner Natali and me, but I’ve struggled to explain how and why. And then I recently learned of a term that is new to me (and relatively new to the lexicon of relationships in general) which helped illuminate things. (more…)

1-17-2026 |

Let the Games Begin!

It’s been a bit since I last ran a tabletop role-playing game and I am antsy as all get out to get back into it. And so I’m looking for four friends to play in some TTRPG adventures that I want to run online, starting in January. Friends who like playing “Let’s Pretend” for similar reasons as I do, who like hamming it up when playing their characters, who like “yes, and”-ing their fellow players, and who have the time, energy, and interest in committing to playing regularly (every two weeks, preferably, around 3 hours for a session). (more…)

10-17-2025 | 6

The Other Side of Unintentional Tears

I’ve been living with ADHD and Generalized Anxiety pretty much my entire life and was diagnosed with both over 10 years ago, so it would be sensible to think I would no longer be surprised when I have a sudden mood shift and I wouldn’t wonder what could have specifically caused it. I mean, I’ve only been wearing glasses since I was 30, but I don’t wonder why it’s harder for me to see with them off. And yet, every time I suddenly go into flight, fight, or freeze mode, every time I suddenly feel onerously overwhelmed and frustrated, it’s like it’s the first time it’s ever happened and I don’t know why it’s happening.

Every. Single. Time.

Somewhere, on the other side of a mirror or through a particular dense shadow in the attic of an old house, there’s a Josh who has learned to expect these things. Maybe he’s prepared for them, maybe he isn’t, but he’s not surprised when they hit him out of the blue. He’s not a better person than I am, but I envy him nonetheless.

7-26-2025 | 2

The Tooth Will Out

Last year, I developed one heck of a toothache. The pain had mostly subsided by the time I got myself in to see my dentist, so I thought “It must have just healed on its own,” because I can be hilariously optimistic and naive when it comes to my health. My dentist looked at the tooth, in the back of my lower jaw, and said “Yeah, you need to have a root canal.” My first root canal! How exciting! (I’m being very liberal in the use of “exciting”, especially considering my high anxiety around all things dental.) She gave me a referral to an endodontist and I made an appointment. The endodondist and his staff were incredibly nice, which helped keep me calm during the procedure. Which the endodontist wasn’t able to finish because it turned out my tooth was too far gone for a root canal. The little guy needed to be extracted. This did not make me happy. (more…)

7-08-2025 |

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