The Tooth Will Out

Last year, I developed one heck of a toothache. The pain had mostly subsided by the time I got myself in to see my dentist, so I thought “It must have just healed on its own,” because I can be hilariously optimistic and naive when it comes to my health. My dentist looked at the tooth, in the back of my lower jaw, and said “Yeah, you need to have a root canal.” My first root canal! How exciting! (I’m being very liberal in the use of “exciting”, especially considering my high anxiety around all things dental.) She gave me a referral to an endodontist and I made an appointment. The endodondist and his staff were incredibly nice, which helped keep me calm during the procedure. Which the endodontist wasn’t able to finish because it turned out my tooth was too far gone for a root canal. The little guy needed to be extracted. This did not make me happy. (more…)

7-08-2025 |

Feeling the Byrne

When I was younger, I was a huge John Byrne fan. I loved his art on X-Men, I loved his Alpha Flight and his run on Fantastic Four, and other comics work. He’s turned out to be pretty problematic, but I think he did two really great things in comics.

One was rebooting Lex Luthor from an over-the-top, fairly ludicrous Mad Scientist into a narcissistic capitalist billionaire. That Lex Luthor makes a much more compelling and interesting enemy for Superman, a perfect foil for the Kansas farm-raised immigrant turned selfless protector of the exploited. At this point, it’s difficult to imagine Luthor as anyone other than ruthless rich guy.

The other was in Alpha Flight (Canada’s one and only superhero team!), when Marvel Comics editors told him he wasn’t allowed to say that team member Northstar, one of the characters he created, was gay. In response, he queercoded Northstar, dropping in bits of dialogue and exposition that went over my head in my teens, but rereading them as an adult they clearly pointed to Northstar not just growing up gay but growing up lonely and confused, a gay mutant who grew up in a society that didn’t support or approve of either identity. It added depth and facets to the character that wasn’t allowed by the powers that be to be openly gay until the ’90s.

I have to give credit where credit is due, he’s done some really good, iconic work in comics, but even better, he did some things that have continued to resonate in significant ways. For that, I appreciate him.

7-07-2025 |

I Never Wished to Be Big

Every morning, I wake up wondering why anyone thought it would be a good idea to let me live alone and take care of myself and a cat on my own. And I wonder what I did the day before to make my body ache the way it does. Then I look in the mirror and I’m surprised to see an adult body there.

I never wished to be big. When I was a kid, adults seemed too big and smelly. They were angry and sad too often, yelling at each other and the kids and pets around them. They complained about their jobs and not having enough money. Why would anyone want that?

I never wished to be big, but it happened anyway, so I’m making the best of it, But it’s still a weird moment every morning.

6-26-2025 |

Time and Time Again

Today, I saw someone post online about how they understand that executive dysfunction can get in the way of someone being on time for something, but since we all carry clocks in our pockets, we should all be able to use them to not be late. It was particularly disheartening because this came from someone I respect and usually agree with, someone who is generally empathetic to the struggles of other people. And this isn’t the first time I’ve seen someone I like complain that being late is a sign of disrespect and lack of caring.

Fam, that’s not what it is and I am so very tired of arguing about this. (more…)

5-15-2025 |

Nothing Lasts Forever

I broke my good day streak yesterday. I had a week of days where I woke up every morning feeling well rested and in a good mood, making it through the day with minimal anxiety, depression, and emotional dysregulation. It’s been a while since I had that many days in a row feeling consistently unburdened by neurodivergence and I was loving it. And then yesterday afternoon, I suddenly experienced an increase in anxiety and roller coastering emotions. I had an awful time sleeping last night and I’ve been struggling all day today with a noisy, difficult brain.

I have generalized anxiety and depression, clustered with the emotional dysregulation and stimulus sensitivity of ADHD. It’s literally impossible for me to know when or how I’ll suddenly be burdened with tension, unease, melancholy, hairtrigger fight-or-flight instincts, sweats, headaches, an upset stomach, etc etc etc. Even with medication, therapy, daily meditation, support from friends, I still have to deal with my brain just going unpleasantly wonky sometimes. So I decided recently that when I’m not feeling so off, when I’m feeling unburdened and light, I’m going to enjoy it for all its worth and do my best to spread that joy around.

Yesterday and today are a reminder that the good brain days don’t last, eventually I’m going to have the mental equivalent of throwing my back out. But the week before that was a reminder that the bad brain days don’t last either, and eventually I’ll feel much better. I feel sure that tomorrow will be, if not a great day, at least a better one than today. And I am so going to enjoy that.

4-02-2025 | 2

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