Time and Time Again
Today, I saw someone post online about how they understand that executive dysfunction can get in the way of someone being on time for something, but since we all carry clocks in our pockets, we should all be able to use them to not be late. It was particularly disheartening because this came from someone I respect and usually agree with, someone who is generally empathetic to the struggles of other people. And this isn’t the first time I’ve seen someone I like complain that being late is a sign of disrespect and lack of caring.
Fam, that’s not what it is and I am so very tired of arguing about this.
Yes, people with executive dysfunction, including (but not limited to) people like me with ADHD, can experience “time blindness”, where they simply cannot perceive time the way neurotypicals do. I can be surrounded by clocks and it still won’t help because I am frequently unaware of how much time is passing and how long it will take to do something. And because I have executive dysfunction, even if I can tell I’m going to be late, I can’t necessarily make myself go faster to get somewhere on time.
I’ve spent most of my life being anxious, depressed, and packed to the brim with negative self-talk because I couldn’t make myself show up on time for things. I’m done with it. Why should I stress myself out, exhaust myself, and make myself feel bad over being late? Why should someone else’s obsession with punctuality be my problem? If I had to use a wheelchair and I was with someone who hated using elevators and insisted on walking up and down stairs, that would be their problem, not mine. Similarly, if you think it’s disrespectful to be late, that sounds like a you-problem, not a me-problem.
(Also, there are plenty of cultures on this planet that don’t see time and punctuality the way the US does, so complaining about a lack of punctuality isn’t just ableist, it’s very US-centric.)
Basically, if you want me to respect your desire for punctuality, I’m going to need you to equally respect my time blindness and desire to unshackle myself from other people’s neurotypical expectations of me.
