Nothing Lasts Forever

I broke my good day streak yesterday. I had a week of days where I woke up every morning feeling well rested and in a good mood, making it through the day with minimal anxiety, depression, and emotional dysregulation. It’s been a while since I had that many days in a row feeling consistently unburdened by neurodivergence and I was loving it. And then yesterday afternoon, I suddenly experienced an increase in anxiety and roller coastering emotions. I had an awful time sleeping last night and I’ve been struggling all day today with a noisy, difficult brain.

I have generalized anxiety and depression, clustered with the emotional dysregulation and stimulus sensitivity of ADHD. It’s literally impossible for me to know when or how I’ll suddenly be burdened with tension, unease, melancholy, hairtrigger fight-or-flight instincts, sweats, headaches, an upset stomach, etc etc etc. Even with medication, therapy, daily meditation, support from friends, I still have to deal with my brain just going unpleasantly wonky sometimes. So I decided recently that when I’m not feeling so off, when I’m feeling unburdened and light, I’m going to enjoy it for all its worth and do my best to spread that joy around.

Yesterday and today are a reminder that the good brain days don’t last, eventually I’m going to have the mental equivalent of throwing my back out. But the week before that was a reminder that the bad brain days don’t last either, and eventually I’ll feel much better. I feel sure that tomorrow will be, if not a great day, at least a better one than today. And I am so going to enjoy that.